This week I had more coaching calls that I think I have ever crammed into a week – and it was an incredibly eye opening experience.

Woman after women told me that they connected with me because I was authentic.

I always thought that meant I was true to myself.

This week however I started to realize what they meant was I was open about what it took to get where I am.

THATS what they connected to.

I was authentic about the PROCESS.

My STORY meant something to them.

That is so much more powerful viewed from that perspective.

Most people see the $400 an hour price tag for my coaching and think I rode easy street there.

They assume I was lucky or know some secret or have connections.

What they don’t see are the years I didn’t even made FOUR DOLLARS AN HOUR.

And there were MANY.

HOW ABOUT ZERO DOLLARS AN HOUR?

ABSOLUTELY NOT A DIME.

You know I have actually PAID to work ? Nobody sees that part of the entrepreneurs journey.

The truth is I was NOT an overnight success. Not even close.

More like a ten thousand night success….TIMES TWO .

Most of those spent in tears and mind numbing internal agony.

Yet because my struggles took place behind closed doors and I never wanted to burden anybody …….not even those closest to me knew how bad things were at times.

Not a soul knew about the weeks I lived on Cupcakes and Oatmeal……. Cheap and filling.

I lost so much weight so fast …………my HAIR FELL OUT.

I told people I was dieting………….The truth is I was starving………… Literally.

At one point I was losing a pound a day.

The eviction notices, the shut off lights, the internet clamped.

It was my reality for a while.

The days on end never leaving my computer desk.

A battle waged on a 20 dollar desk ……DAILY.

The bruises on my forehead from literally banging my head on my wood.

The fear, the horror, the ANGER……….constant roommates.

The books flung across the room in frustration.

The way I perfected an almost pole vault onto my bed timed perfectly with a scream that I buried in pillows and then denied when my children asked what “that” was.

The birthday parties my children did not get.

Having to explain I could not pay Santa for much.

The tooth- fairy who got notes begging for money to help mommy pay for food, or pay for the rent. Begging for HELP from a child.

( they are now framed )

Self pity tried to come for a visit – luckily didn’t stay long.

Self hatred was more frequent and took up residence in my head.

Self limiting beliefs ……..multiplied like gremlins in water and light and were even nastier when not fed.

The chronic and crippling anxiety that wears a person out from the inside.

Every knock on my door – terrifying and made worse by betrayals from people I thought cared about me.

We wont even touch that story, it doesn’t deserve the power of speaking it out loud.

They know who they are and what they did.

It was soul sucking and I felt like I was being torn up from the inside – daily.

It seemed like the world was crashing down.

Yet I kept going.

Even completely blind, weak with hunger and shaking in fear…….Giving up was just never a part of my story.

I often wondered why.

As clients tell me they feel like giving up I began to examine all the reasons I never went there.

I realized that ever person I admired, really truly admired ………struggled and suffered their way to the top….and they were OPEN about what it took.

AUTHENTIC.

When I realized the struggle was part of the journey, not to keep me out…but actually  to keep me IN ……the game………where only those who persevere get to play.

This is a game where you have to PROVE …..with your blood sometimes and your sweat ALL THE TIME that you want it.

I WANTED IT……and I HAD TO FIGHT FOR IT.

Not a SINGLE thing came easy.

I fought like my children’s lives were in danger ………because they were.

Their very futures were in my hands.

The day I had to defend my home against an unwanted male entering in anger ….I learned EXACTLY what level I was playing at and exactly what I was capable of …..and something inside of me just SNAPPED.

It was fight to death on all fronts.

Mostly silent.

ALWAYS ALONE.

Nobody knew the wars behind closed doors.

Now they do …………………and suddenly I am FLOODED with people and possibilities that never would have been drawn to me had I not been encouraged to open UP about how hard it REALLY WAS.

My story wont stay silent any longer ……….now that I know the pain I endured can actually help PUSH somebody else to keep going ……..

I am def going to let them see me sweat.

If this in any way gave you a glimmer of hope – please reach out and let me know . It would mean the world 🙂

 

 

 

 

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